Emily fractured her left Femur on Thursday the 8th of October, 8 days before her first birthday. I had managed to half convince myself that her last fracture could have possibly have been her last. Silly me. I know that was never going to be possible but I was trying to believe it.
She was swimming in the pool with her swimming coach, and we couldn’t explain how on earth she had managed to fracture in the water. We have now, after many hours of debating how it was possible. Decided that she must have kicked the step as she went under the water. There is no way she could have fractured with no trauma. There has to be some explanation. Then I realised that there are going to be fractures that we aren’t going to be able to explain or justify. There are probably going to be fractures that we will never know about. Mark kept fractures that he had a secret from his parents. Why should Emily be any different??
Our little angel had to have her first anaesthetic to have her first spica cast put on. I hate casts. I guess best get used to them. She was not a happy camper, well I guess no one would be in that situation. But as usual she came through with flying colours, by that afternoon she was even smiling. I wouldn’t have been but she was. The next day she was a little bit grumpy (well that is a mild description). Then the poor thing has a heat rash like nothing I have ever seen and she starts teething. I couldn’t believe it, why does this all have to happen at once!!!!!!
I coped fine for about 4 days and then the banks burst, I just couldn’t. I was once again completely sleep deprived, exhausted and at my wits end. I could stop her hurting I couldn’t stop her crying and then I couldn’t stop me crying. Then came being angry all over again. I thought that I had gotten through most of that with the first break. I was angry with everyone including my tiny little baby. No one had done anything, they had all been incredibly supportive and helpful and kind. But I was angry. I had one completely self indulgent day where I ignored my child and husband … and then so very felt guilty about it. But after that I felt much better. I just needed a break. I needed to be able to see her and to make sure she was ok but not be responsible for her every move. My poor husband, in his completely exhausted state he was now made responsible for Emily. He was wonderful, he didn’t get angry or frustrated with me (I am sure he was, but he didn’t say anything) and I just stat and sulked. He is the most wonderful man. He is in short just amazing !!
Now I am back to being able to cope and finding things to occupy Emily’s time. I am sure it helps that she isn’t crying all the time anymore
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